LJ

As I sit down to check my emails as I do constantly while you’re not here, today I have a revelation. This is what it is, and this is what it always will be. It seems as close as we become we are always marching in different directions, like the universe is simultaneously pulling us apart and dragging us together.

To say I miss you is an understatement.

To say this is hard sounds like a mother battling with her child but this, what we are, is taken.  To be lost is not to know but I know, I know that it is you and always you that makes me, but taken is the distance we are dragged apart. People ask how we do it, they don’t understand how I cannot know where you are or you me, that I can’t tell you what I’m doing or what I’ve seen and to be honest I’m not sure I understand either. For I’m in the same position but the heart doesn’t break any less the nights you cannot lie beside me.

It will never be convenient. It will never just work; we will always have to make do. But the dirt on our boots is what we are, we know no different and as our hearts break as the other packs their dive bag, we just know that looking back is not an option. That forwards is the only direction a soldier is taught and so we march on through all the hurt and heart ache until the day you march back into my arms and the world seems ok again.

It is only you who will ever get it, only you who will completely understand without understanding or knowing and only you who I will carry with me every step of the distance. And I’m glad with every last bit of me that it is you.



First's

Well this is a moment of First's for me, my first blogging experience, the first time i've ever considered putting down my thoughts in writing and definatly my blog lesson (as the detail on my blog clearly shows the extent of my computer skills). I thought id start with an introduction, I'm an Army wife and a soldier. I am was just recently married and very soon after was sent on my first deployment, which brings me here now. i have read many soldiers wifes blogs and can relate to everyone of them, the words they use sometimes feel like my own, but this time i'm the one who's gone. This is my first time away from LJ for a long deployent at least, we both leave each other for large stints, taken out bush or off on excersise to places the other doesn't know about for lengths of time left unkown, but this, this is the first big one. Many would say six months is nothing, and i don't for a second envy those who have to leave for a year or more, infact i have nothing but admiration for those who not only do it but go back for seconds, thirds and even mores. But we've all been there, that first trip, the learning how to deal, the juggling of scheduals to even met a time you may get to speak and the feeling of missing out, that the world goes on without you while time for you stands still in the last place you wish were. i've been on both sides of this. i've been the lever and the levee and being left behind was one thing i always hated. the knowing that LJ would come home full of stories he can never tell me, experiences i'll never relate to and a closeness to his mates i'll never have. but know its my turn. i stick by my inital thought being left behind is the hardest, but i thought i'd try add some insite to the wives out there on what its like to be on the other side.