LJ

As I sit down to check my emails as I do constantly while you’re not here, today I have a revelation. This is what it is, and this is what it always will be. It seems as close as we become we are always marching in different directions, like the universe is simultaneously pulling us apart and dragging us together.

To say I miss you is an understatement.

To say this is hard sounds like a mother battling with her child but this, what we are, is taken.  To be lost is not to know but I know, I know that it is you and always you that makes me, but taken is the distance we are dragged apart. People ask how we do it, they don’t understand how I cannot know where you are or you me, that I can’t tell you what I’m doing or what I’ve seen and to be honest I’m not sure I understand either. For I’m in the same position but the heart doesn’t break any less the nights you cannot lie beside me.

It will never be convenient. It will never just work; we will always have to make do. But the dirt on our boots is what we are, we know no different and as our hearts break as the other packs their dive bag, we just know that looking back is not an option. That forwards is the only direction a soldier is taught and so we march on through all the hurt and heart ache until the day you march back into my arms and the world seems ok again.

It is only you who will ever get it, only you who will completely understand without understanding or knowing and only you who I will carry with me every step of the distance. And I’m glad with every last bit of me that it is you.